Feeling discouraged…

I’m feeling discouraged…..

WOMP… WOMP… WOMP…

It really is only because of what I’ve been allowing into my life recently. So, I really can’t be mad at anyone but myself right now. I have my next appointment with my surgeon on Monday and I’m honestly nervous as hell. I’m feeling discouraged about the appointment because I haven’t had the weight loss I had hoped.

Why not? Because I am a slacker and can honestly admit that I haven’t focused 100% on cutting my calories. Yes, I’ve been adjusting my diet, increasing my protein, but I haven’t been focusing enough. My tracking hasn’t been spot on and I was snacky and well, I had some food funerals! Yeah, this early, I did it. We were originally scheduled to go back home to CT a few weekends ago, but because of the storm we had to stay back. Our plan in CT, was for me to get a lobster. A whole lobster, not just a tail. I’m a New England girl. We survive on seafood. So because we didn’t go, my husband treated me to my lobster dinner locally.

Thinking back on it now, had he told me he wasn’t going to take me, I can honestly say that I probably would have kicked and screamed like a child. Why? Because I’m experiencing a loss right now. It’s food. Things I have enjoyed my entire life. But that’s just the thing, I ate for pure enjoyment not to feed my body. Yes, we should enjoy our food, but enough to feed our body, not just eating for enjoyment and no other reason. During my psych evaluation, I realized I’m a celebration eater. I’m not so much an emotional eater when I’m sad or anything, but when I am happy, that’s when I looked to food. Got a new job? Eat. Got engaged? Eat. Friend came to town? Eat. Bought a new house? Eat. On Vacation? Eat. LOST WEIGHT? Eat. <– Seriously, WTF. I am totally re-evaluating my thought process on that, because that makes no damn sense.

On the one hand, I’m thankful my insurance doesn’t “require” weight loss, however, my surgeon ideally likes to see patients lose prior to surgery. I think showing that we are focused and can be successful with our new tool. Which I totally get.

So, I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself today. Essentially telling myself that I clearly need to get my shit together. I need to show myself and my surgeon that I CAN do this. I need to focus on getting ME healthy. I have one more month of a medically supervised diet and I am kicking my ass into gear this last 30 days.

STOP THE FCKN EXCUSES! STOP THE WHINING. STOP THE FOOD FUNERALS!

Did anyone else struggle in their medically supervised phase? PLEASE please please share! Reach out to me! I can’t have been the only one.

I’m SEEKING SUPPORT! A RNY buddy? A weight loss buddy? SOMEONE!

Here’s to looking forward to Monday and being scared for Monday!